You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
