this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
