I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
