He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
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There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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