My nipple is on Facebook.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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