If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
