I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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