All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The air was thick with penises
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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