Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
