Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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