where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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