my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
