so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
