just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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