Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
