I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
