fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
People in love make me want to vomit
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
