You're so nebulous sometimes
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
