No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
