When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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