Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
