The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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