i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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