and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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