i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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