Plan B is the new Plan A
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
