I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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