Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Oh god it's open bar.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
