I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
