alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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