3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
