There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
