I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
