I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
