Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She even gives head with a lisp.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
