My nipple is on Facebook.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
