the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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