just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
