i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
