Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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