You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
