Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
