I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
