She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
