Will you blow on my dice?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
