Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
