he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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