no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
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The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have feelings that need drinking.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.