i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?