3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
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Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
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I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom