fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
