You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?