the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I deserve this hangover.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
