I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
