the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
