those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
