I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
