Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
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i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
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Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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