; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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