It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize