Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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