I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
