I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
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First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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