I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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