Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
