she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
