It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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