He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
