she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
