I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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