I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
