we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
